Week 11 Previews: Part II

Dark Rainbows at Tompkins Square Riots

Salmon at the Net (Riots ‘n Rainbows)

by the Third Division Poet Laureate Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.

True Rainbow Warrior. 

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Riots’ squad that day;

the score stood four to two with ninety seconds left to play.

And then when Jonesy deked and shot and saw their goalie palm it,

the stomachs of the stalwart Riots readied for to vomit.

The drunken fans considered turning toward the other game

but Hookers versus Anklebiters just wasn’t the same.

And so they cursed the Rainbows, and also cursed their kin

for robbing all the Riots of their latest chance to win.

But a line change brought in Townsend, and Dr. Corinaldi,

as well as some free agent sub the crowd had nicknamed Baldy.

Camber from the Rainbows chortled, scoffed, and called it “in the bank,”

when all the sudden, one went in! A shot tapped in by Vanck.

With half a minute left to go, six skaters to their credit,

and with the refs all eighty-sixed on three-buck Manischewitz,

the Riots’ soldiers charged upon the net like LeBron James

and suddenly, ‘twas overtime—MacNeil had tied the game!

The extra minutes dripped out slow like ketchup from glass bottles,

all Riots and all Rainbows giving all and at full throttle.

But nothing passed by Longwell, and none passed Gil de Rubio;

the only noise in Tompkins the sad sax man’s low Sussudio.

And so it went to shootout. Josh Wilson’s shot got blocked;

and Suz faked left but lost the ball (and for it she got mocked);

and Rem made for the five-hole, but it hopped into Dave’s chest;

and Loken missed by shooting east when meaning to shoot west.

Bernstein, though, he swung his stick and buried one top shelf,

leaving one last Riot one last chance to prove himself.

They called him Charlie Salmon, though that was not his name;

with stick in hand he shambled forth with hope to tie the game.

His face was red with pressure and his eyes were popping wide;

his neck was strained with purple veins and tense were both his thighs.

He took a breath and ran the ball up halfway toward the net,

and then a sound boomed violent like a cliff-jumping Corvette—

It made us jump into the air and drop and spill our beers.

There was no sign of Charlie, but a ringing in our ears,

as if he’d teleported, leaving just a dark red stain.

We searched for him for hours, but our effort was in vain.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the band is playing funk;

The sun is shining brightly there, and everyone is drunk.

Indeed, you doubt my story, since you claim that I am loaded.

But there is no joy in Tompkins—Charlie Salmon has imploded.

Prediction: Rainbows 5 SO – Riots 4

Gut Rot at Instant Karma
By Diana Marko

Alllllllllllright. Tommy C is recovered from his honeymoon and probably feeling pretty fresh and ready to run. With Mike in the net for Karma, and Cory on a hot streak, this could be tough for the Gut, who is having a rickety-bicycle-start to the season. Morgen is leading Gut Rot in scoring with one (1) goal - and I feel like she's gonna do it again. Let's see some magic. 

Prediction: Gut Rot 2, Instant Karma 1.

What the Puck at Cobra Kai
By Sam Norris

What’s the deal with Cobra Kai these days?  Have they successfully used Rich’s Fuzz, Ann’s Filthier and Welch’s Rehabs as a decoy while they are building their own superteam?  If this is the first time you’re thinking this, their decoys are working, while they continue to shoot down every last real team in the league.  There is a reason they wear camouflage, and this whole time we thought it was because of that stupid movie…

Cobra Kai's off-season team-building exercise. 

 What the Puck is also a great team.  They are full of talent, some good chemistry, but have even better musicians (nod to Emily and Mike).  With their solid goalie, Jordan, in net and some strong “clear it out” defense, along with a few of The Dude’s very own wooden decoys (Chadwick not provided), they could scrape together a win.

Mike, Chadwick and wood decoy.

This one is too close to call—it’s going into overtime at the score of 2 to 2!

Sky Fighters at Filthier

By Isaac Stewart

The Sky Fighters have reverted to their inconsistent play from 2014.  Miscommunication on defense and lack of scoring has mounted to peak frustration for their first year in formerly known as Katz division.  All this team needs is one game to get their mojo back and build some confidence.  And this could be that game.

Nope.  Couldn’t even write that with a straight face.

Filthier is the team that has overcome early season adversity and found their groove again.  Ann and James have successfully filled the leadership void created by Jenna and Ben’s departure for the Rocky Mountains (and love’s eternal glory!) and have this team thinking a repeat is possible.  Plus the new addition of Jeff brings them back up to the cream of the crop of teams again.

Prediction: Ann stays out of the crease and all of Filthy’s goals count to 5-1.

Mega Touch at Poutine Machine

By Isaac Stewart

Hey, Jo-Jo! The celebration is over here.

Mega Touch’s culture and identity have undergone a bit of a change this season.  While they still haven’t heeded Derek’s advice to employ a goon for the dickish things he does for Math, they’ve definitely added some chippinees to their play.  Not to mention some much needed scoring as well. Alex has found his youth this season and Alok seems to finally be figuring out we're playing hockey.

But what about Poutine?  Jo-Jo and the Brain recruited hard in the off-season and this team has 7 (SEVEN) rookies on it.  They also feature two dudes (Stevie and Grimba) who can dangerously inbound the ball on net from any angle.  And they’ll need for Shutdown Charlotte to shift when Julie does in order to neutralize her throughout the game. 

Prediction: Good game Mega Touch? Not likely. Poutine takes this one 3-2.

P.S. Get well soon Gunner!