Happy Fourth of July!

Happy 4th of July

Hey BTSHers,

While you are waiting for the next hotdog or hamburger off the grill, cold beverage from the cooler or fridge or preparing for tonight's fireworks display along the East River, here are some good reads.  I hope you enjoy:

The Famous Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest

Love and Radiation: Happy birthday Marie Curie

Tracking the latest NHL free agent signings

The history of Tompkins Square Park and Corlears Park

Stay safe.  (that means you Sam Norris)

BTSH 2016 Stats

Female Scoring Leaders

Male Scoring Leaders

Goalie GAA Leaders

BTSH 2016 Team Standings

TOP CONFERENCE

BOTTOM CONFERENCE

Three Stars of Week 11

By Rachel Greene

THIRD STAR
Alex Rockoff of the Gremlins

Gremlins have long been yellow (going as far back as the days of Unicorns), but never before has it presented a problem with bees. This week rookie sensation, Alex Rockoff, forgot his beekeepers equipment and got stung by a bee mid-game. Now while this would send most of you (okay, us) running for the hills or the ER. It didn't stop him a bit. The kid continued to play the entire game with a stinger in his arm. He sure was dedicated to making a good impression on his new team, or he just likes sports. Who knows? Way to go all Stacy Kehoe by displaying your toughness and grace, Alex. Welcome to BTSH.

SECOND STAR

Sam the Drunk Ref

Everyone's favorite drunk ref came up with an amazing drunk idea...guess what? It's actually a good idea. Turns out, like many of his drunk ideas, it wasn't even his idea. The second star this week goes to the De-escalation Card. If you were around for any of the three games Sam Norris reffed, you might have seen him pull a green card. No, Olivier, it doesn't mean you get citizenship. It means y'all need to calm the F down. 

De-escalation Card! Rule number one, son.

FIRST STAR
Gut Rot, BITCHES!

Guys, can you guess who got the first star this week?! Was it Instant Karma? Math? The TSP Hawk? Nope. You all guessed wrong. It's GUT ROT, dummieeeeeeees! Every week, the other 18 teams (other than the actual opponents), stand on the sidelines, beers in hand, cheering on the league darlings, Gut Rot. Then every week, we drop a tear in our beer for our beloved Gut Rot. NOT THIS WEEK. You think they were celebrating Pride in the West Village any louder than we were celebrating this victory? Probably not. Hillary was there? Whatever, we had Tommy Cho. T. Cho for President!!!

July - September Schedule

JULY

July 10th - Week 12
1 pm
Gouging Anklebiters at Sky Fighters - East
Butchers at Instant Karma - West
2 pm
Poutine Machine at Mega Touch - East
Filthier at Cobra Kai - West
3 pm
LBS, Inc. at Gremlins - East
Mathematics at Fuzz - West
4:30 pm
Denim Demons at Fresh Kills - East
Tompkins Square Riots at What The Puck - West
5:30 pm
Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot - East
Rehabs at Corlears Hookers - West

July 17th - Week 13
1 pm
Instant Karma at Cobra Kai - East
Tompkins Square Riots at Butchers - West
2 pm
Filthier at Fuzz - East
Poutine Machine at What The Puck - West
3 pm 
Fresh Kills at Gouging Anklebiters - East
Dark Rainbows at Gremlins - West
4:30 pm
Gut Rot at Mega Touch - East
Corlears Hookers at Mathematics - West
5:30 pm
LBS, Inc. at Rehabs - East
Denim Demons at Sky Fighters - West

July 24th - Week 14
1 pm
Mathematics at Tompkins Square Riots - East
Gremlins at Sky Fighters - West
2 pm
What The Puck at Fresh Kills - East
Rehabs at Gut Rot - West
3 pm 
Butchers at LBS, Inc. - East
Instant Karma at Filthier - West
4:30 pm 
Gouging Anklebiters at Dark Rainbows - East
Fuzz at Poutine Machine - West
5:30 pm
Corlears Hookers at Mega Touch - East
Cobra Kai at Denim Demons - West

July 31st - OFF (because it is hot???)

AUGUST

August 7th - Week 15
1 pm
Filthier at LBS, Inc. - East
Mega Touch at Gremlins - West
2 pm
Tompkins Square Riots at Cobra Kai - East
Gouging Anklebiters at Mathematics - West
3 pm 
Rehabs at Denim Demons - East
Fresh Kills at Butchers - West
4:30 pm 
Sky Fighters at Instant Karma - East
What The Puck at Gut Rot - West
5:30 pm 
Corlears Hookers at Fuzz - East
Poutine Machine at Dark Rainbows - West

August 14th - Week 16
1 pm
Dark Rainbows at Fuzz - East
Instant Karma at Denim Demons - West
2 pm
Fresh Kills at Mathematics - East
LBS, Inc. at Corlears Hookers - West
3 pm
Mega Touch at Rehabs - East
Gut Rot at Cobra Kai - West
4:30 pm
Butchers at Gremlins - East
What The Puck at Gouging Anklebiters - West
5:30 pm
Tompkins Square Riots at Poutine Machine - East
Filthier at Sky Fighters - West

August 21st - Week 17
1 pm
Corlears Hookers at Filthier - East
LBS, Inc. at Poutine Machine - West
2 pm
Sky Fighters at Fresh Kills - East
Cobra Kai at Instant Karma - West
3 pm
Gut Rot at Mathematics - East
Fuzz at Rehabs - West
4:30 pm
Gremlins at Tompkins Square Riots - East
Mega Touch at Dark Rainbows - West
5:30 pm 
Butchers at What The Puck - East
Denim Demons at Gouging Anklebiters - West

August 28th - OCEAN CITY TOURNAMENT - see Worky of the Gouging Anklebiters for details

September 4th - Holiday Weekend

September 11th - Week 18
12:30 pm
Gremlins at Cobra Kai - East
Butchers at Mega Touch - West
1:30 pm 
Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows - East
Gouging Anklebiters at Fuzz - West
2:30 pm
Poutine Machine at Gut Rot - East
Sky Fighters at Corlears Hookers -West
4 pm 
Mathematics at Rehabs - East
Denim Demons at Filthier - West
5 pm
Instant Karma at What The Puck - East
LBS, Inc. at Fresh Kills - West

September 18th - Rain Fears Games
12:30 pm
1:30 pm
2:30 pm
4 pm
5 pm

TBT (aka Facing Backwards), BTSH Photo Challenge (RE-POST)

UPDATE: the submission date for entries has been extended until Tuesday, June 28^th.  

By Rachel Greene

Hey BTSHers,

On this day (June 16th), four score and seven years (okay a decade) ago, BTSH celebrated itself and its competitive drinking and eating abilities with a time honored tradition, Johnson's Olympics.  Luckily for us, Phil Donahue's phone recently vomited up this photo.  Let's get back to our competitive roots and see who can identify the most people in this photo.  Winner gets a court-side beverage of my choosing.  Please e-mail me, reg92181@gmail.com, your guesses by Tuesday, June 28th and we'll announce the winner next week.  

Happy Hunting!

Week 11 Previews: Part II

Dark Rainbows at Tompkins Square Riots

Salmon at the Net (Riots ‘n Rainbows)

by the Third Division Poet Laureate Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.

True Rainbow Warrior. 

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Riots’ squad that day;

the score stood four to two with ninety seconds left to play.

And then when Jonesy deked and shot and saw their goalie palm it,

the stomachs of the stalwart Riots readied for to vomit.

The drunken fans considered turning toward the other game

but Hookers versus Anklebiters just wasn’t the same.

And so they cursed the Rainbows, and also cursed their kin

for robbing all the Riots of their latest chance to win.

But a line change brought in Townsend, and Dr. Corinaldi,

as well as some free agent sub the crowd had nicknamed Baldy.

Camber from the Rainbows chortled, scoffed, and called it “in the bank,”

when all the sudden, one went in! A shot tapped in by Vanck.

With half a minute left to go, six skaters to their credit,

and with the refs all eighty-sixed on three-buck Manischewitz,

the Riots’ soldiers charged upon the net like LeBron James

and suddenly, ‘twas overtime—MacNeil had tied the game!

The extra minutes dripped out slow like ketchup from glass bottles,

all Riots and all Rainbows giving all and at full throttle.

But nothing passed by Longwell, and none passed Gil de Rubio;

the only noise in Tompkins the sad sax man’s low Sussudio.

And so it went to shootout. Josh Wilson’s shot got blocked;

and Suz faked left but lost the ball (and for it she got mocked);

and Rem made for the five-hole, but it hopped into Dave’s chest;

and Loken missed by shooting east when meaning to shoot west.

Bernstein, though, he swung his stick and buried one top shelf,

leaving one last Riot one last chance to prove himself.

They called him Charlie Salmon, though that was not his name;

with stick in hand he shambled forth with hope to tie the game.

His face was red with pressure and his eyes were popping wide;

his neck was strained with purple veins and tense were both his thighs.

He took a breath and ran the ball up halfway toward the net,

and then a sound boomed violent like a cliff-jumping Corvette—

It made us jump into the air and drop and spill our beers.

There was no sign of Charlie, but a ringing in our ears,

as if he’d teleported, leaving just a dark red stain.

We searched for him for hours, but our effort was in vain.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the band is playing funk;

The sun is shining brightly there, and everyone is drunk.

Indeed, you doubt my story, since you claim that I am loaded.

But there is no joy in Tompkins—Charlie Salmon has imploded.

Prediction: Rainbows 5 SO – Riots 4

Gut Rot at Instant Karma
By Diana Marko

Alllllllllllright. Tommy C is recovered from his honeymoon and probably feeling pretty fresh and ready to run. With Mike in the net for Karma, and Cory on a hot streak, this could be tough for the Gut, who is having a rickety-bicycle-start to the season. Morgen is leading Gut Rot in scoring with one (1) goal - and I feel like she's gonna do it again. Let's see some magic. 

Prediction: Gut Rot 2, Instant Karma 1.

What the Puck at Cobra Kai
By Sam Norris

What’s the deal with Cobra Kai these days?  Have they successfully used Rich’s Fuzz, Ann’s Filthier and Welch’s Rehabs as a decoy while they are building their own superteam?  If this is the first time you’re thinking this, their decoys are working, while they continue to shoot down every last real team in the league.  There is a reason they wear camouflage, and this whole time we thought it was because of that stupid movie…

Cobra Kai's off-season team-building exercise. 

 What the Puck is also a great team.  They are full of talent, some good chemistry, but have even better musicians (nod to Emily and Mike).  With their solid goalie, Jordan, in net and some strong “clear it out” defense, along with a few of The Dude’s very own wooden decoys (Chadwick not provided), they could scrape together a win.

Mike, Chadwick and wood decoy.

This one is too close to call—it’s going into overtime at the score of 2 to 2!

Sky Fighters at Filthier

By Isaac Stewart

The Sky Fighters have reverted to their inconsistent play from 2014.  Miscommunication on defense and lack of scoring has mounted to peak frustration for their first year in formerly known as Katz division.  All this team needs is one game to get their mojo back and build some confidence.  And this could be that game.

Nope.  Couldn’t even write that with a straight face.

Filthier is the team that has overcome early season adversity and found their groove again.  Ann and James have successfully filled the leadership void created by Jenna and Ben’s departure for the Rocky Mountains (and love’s eternal glory!) and have this team thinking a repeat is possible.  Plus the new addition of Jeff brings them back up to the cream of the crop of teams again.

Prediction: Ann stays out of the crease and all of Filthy’s goals count to 5-1.

Mega Touch at Poutine Machine

By Isaac Stewart

Hey, Jo-Jo! The celebration is over here.

Mega Touch’s culture and identity have undergone a bit of a change this season.  While they still haven’t heeded Derek’s advice to employ a goon for the dickish things he does for Math, they’ve definitely added some chippinees to their play.  Not to mention some much needed scoring as well. Alex has found his youth this season and Alok seems to finally be figuring out we're playing hockey.

But what about Poutine?  Jo-Jo and the Brain recruited hard in the off-season and this team has 7 (SEVEN) rookies on it.  They also feature two dudes (Stevie and Grimba) who can dangerously inbound the ball on net from any angle.  And they’ll need for Shutdown Charlotte to shift when Julie does in order to neutralize her throughout the game. 

Prediction: Good game Mega Touch? Not likely. Poutine takes this one 3-2.

P.S. Get well soon Gunner!